This is so out of my comfort zone, but I have to get my emotions out. I hope some of you will lend a listening ear to me for a second. Here goes:
I feel so small lately. I feel incapable and inadequate. I have had a rough week and by no means am I trying to complain. I am merely stating the facts. I feel angry and alone, mostly because of the problems that I am having to deal with and the feeling that no one empathizes with me.
It all started awhile ago when I began loathing my job. Not so much my job as much as the way the private business was ran. I felt like I was getting the short end of the stick and that the owners did not appreciate me as a worker. So I began looking for another job. I have been searching for another job for months with no avail. This is the hard part for me: after I have been at that place for well over two years, I was fired. for. no. reason. at. all. I knew the owners didn't like me; they didn't like me from the moment I walked into the door. That is totally fine with me. I wasn't thrilled about them either. The reason that they didn't like me was for the fact that I am not one that takes beatings lying down. I spoke my mind openly when approached and didn't allow anyone to run over me. My "boss" was one of the types that ran an establishment in fear. I do not respond well to things of that nature. I do believe you should choose your battles, but I also believe that you should not allow anyone to step all over your toes.
So mostly I feel hurt, disgusted, angry, betrayed and unappreciated for my great work ethic. I have been battling with my emotions all week.
Earlier this week late one night, I whispered to myself, "Lord, I am tired." When I awoke the following morning and read my daily devotional, God responded with Matthew 11:28-29, stating, "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." All I could do was cry. God has been plainly answering and talking to me this whole time, and my ears were stuffed.
I complained about the unfair treatment I was getting at the sour place. I started getting anxious because I was anticipating something but wasn't sure what. I shared with my mom these feelings, and she said to me "You better get ready because something is coming, then." I told one of my coworkers one day that my days were numbered there. I had no idea, whatsoever, was going to happen, but God put those words into my mind and my mouth. God truly was preparing me for something bigger than me. That place was a wonderful experience, but it disagreed with my being, my spirit, and my morality. I am trying to look at as a blessing and not a curse.
I noticed that every day this week my devotion was speaking straight to my sinking heart. Wednesday I was told, "'Because of the oppression of the weak and the groaning of the needy, I willnow arise,' says the Lord. 'I will protect them from those who malign them.(Psalm 12:5)'" This came in particular handy because I have been an actual verbal battle with my previous employers for part of this week. They went so far as to take screenshots of my private Facebook profile and email to my former coworkers attaching a warning to it and forbidding them to speak to me. Now I don't know about you guys but private means private for a reason. And as I explained to my coworkers who felt the need to share this with me, my business is my business; my FB profile is mine; and I shall share whatever it is that I please. It is not my fault that the owner's wife decided that she was going to stalk me and misconstrue the profile picture that I had set.
To me it was entirely to trivial, especially coming from a person that I no longer spoke to the entire time that I worked there and no longer worked for at all now.
Whew!!! I am starting to feel so much better. I think this little breather has helped me see that God will do just what He says that He will. He will never leave His children's side, as I will never leave my daughter's. I just have to fully trust Him, love Him, and praise Him at all times because He is beyond worthy.
Thank you guys for listening to my broken heart ache. I am greatly appreciative of everyone of you!!!